


You were in the Army. You'll eat anything.

by drpepperdiva91



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Bisexual John, Clueless Sherlock, M/M, Mostly Dialogue, john comes out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-30 21:46:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3952936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drpepperdiva91/pseuds/drpepperdiva91
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John is bi, Sherlock is clueless, and nobody likes soy milk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You were in the Army. You'll eat anything.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this post by tumblr user im-sherlock-ed:
> 
> "Okay but just imagine John and Sherlock walking around or at a restaurant and someone says something like “what a cute couple!” And John sighs, getting ready to interject when Sherlock snips, “yes, John, we all know you’re not gay.” And John just blinks at him before saying “yeah, but I am bisexual.” And Sherlock just stares at him like he did when John asked him to be his best man. He just stares because how could he MISS THAT? And John just smirks at Sherlock’s expression because he’s glad he can still surprise him."

"I've read about the two of you! You're in the paper! Just last week, you saved a-" the barista started, young eyes gleaming and eager as she inadvertently squirted caramel flavored syrup onto her apron instead of into the cup. 

"I came here for coffee, not a biography," Sherlock snipped, cutting her off with a dismissive wave of his hand.

" _Sherlock._ What have I told you about being kind to the people who make our food?" John scolded, adding an elbow in for effect. "Sorry, he's a bit abrasive before he's had his caffeine," he continued, directed at the barista.  

"Oh, it's fine! I love your blog, Dr. Watson. Bickering in the morning at the coffee shop, such a cute couple! And I love the understated romance you two have going on. But I can read between the lines, if you know what I mean..." she gushed, winking at Sherlock while she poured his coffee.

"We're actually not-" John began, before Sherlock cut him off and snatched his coffee out of his hands. 

"Yes, John. We all know you're  _not gay_. Go ahead and reassure the woman of how  _completely heterosexual_ you are, how we are definitely not a couple, and certainly not a  _cute_ one at that. When you're done affirming your orientation, I'll be outside. You can drink my coffee. She just put soy milk in it. Yours tastes lovely, by the way, nice choice with the hazelnut," he bit out, though at this point, John wasn't sure if the main problem was the star-struck barista's incompetence, or something else entirely. 

Coffee in hand, soy-polluted though it was, John quickly made his way out of the crowded shop and back to Sherlock's side, tapping his elbow slightly to get his attention.

"Sherlock?"

"Hmm?"

"What exactly was that about?"

"Soy milk is disgusting."

John huffed out a laugh at this response- clearly he wasn't going to get anything out of the detective. "Yeah, thanks for that, then."

"Oh, please. You were in the army. You'll eat anything."

"Is that a compliment?"

"It's a fact, compliments are tedious. Take it as you will."

\----

Later that night, home after a tedious day of signing incident reports and waivers at the Yard (what Lestrade called a  _backlog_ didn't begin to cover it...), John sat in his armchair nursing a beer, watching Sherlock in front of him, bent over the latest issue of the  _New Journal of Chemistry_. 

"Hey, 'Lock?" John asked, prodding Sherlock's shin with his bare foot.

"John." Sherlock answered, not bothering to look up.

"No, look up. You missed something."

Sherlock glanced up at him at that, brow furrowed. "I missed what? Today, with the paperwork? I know, I didn't sign half of that useless garbage, just pretended to until you said we could leave."

"You... you're kidding me. Greg's not going to be happy."

"Lestrade has sufficient examples of my real signature to sign the rest for me. It's not as if I read them anyway."

John shook his head, chuckling quietly. "That's not what I was talking about anyway. You missed something, about me."

Sherlock narrowed his eyes at John, "It's always something. Usually something unimportant though."

John's grin broadened, and it reminded Sherlock of the expression Mycroft wore when they were children and he'd worked out the solution to a puzzle before Sherlock. "It's important, I think." John prodded Sherlock with his toes again.

Sherlock leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and propping his chin in his palms. He raised an eyebrow quizzically before saying, "Alright, then. What is it?"

"I'm not  _gay_ -" John started, but Sherlock threw his hands up in the air and cut him off before he could continue.

"Ugh,  _please_ , not this  _again_. I get it! We _all_  get it!"

"Oh, shut  _up_. I'm not gay. But I'm not  _straight_ , either, 'Lock. And you said in the coffee shop that I'm heterosexual. I'm _not_ ," John swallowed hard, not expecting a poor reaction from his flatmate, but remembering the screaming match that ensued when Harry brought her first girlfriend home to their parents. He never bothered to come out to them, not after the reaction Harry got.

Sherlock blinked at him, his eyebrows furrowed in the middle as if he'd picked up the scent of a dead body.

"...'Lock? You should say something. I've never actually come out to anyone... well, except James, but that was more of a happy accident than anything. Really... Hello? Earth to Sherlock, do you read?"

Sherlock blinked again, rapidly this time, before answering. His voice was quiet and slightly confused. "You're not..."

"Straight."

"Gay."

They both finished Sherlock's sentence at the same time. 

"Sherlock. I'm bi."

"Bi...sexual. You are?" Sherlock finally made eye contact with John again, his brain apparently coming back online after its brief detour into shock.

"Well, yeah. I thought you knew, actually. Until today, when you made it very clear that you didn't."

"You're sure."

"I would bloody well say so, yeah."

"Can I have one of your beers?"

"Yeah, 'course," John said, fetching one for each of them. "You alright?"

"Just fine," Sherlock answered, opting not to mention the way John's bare foot slid across the rug to touch his, once he was seated again. It was better to focus on the beer, he figured.

**Author's Note:**

> Coincidentally, I am also bi. Which is why I love bi!john so much.
> 
> Please leave me comments? I love you all!


End file.
